Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we're so committed to being not committed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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