Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
