I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You can't special order awesome
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
sex in a hospital.. check
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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