Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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