I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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