Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
