I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
