ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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