He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
