chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize