Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
