Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
