Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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