I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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