there was a trapeze. enough said
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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