Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dear god my vagina.
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