she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
