I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
