It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
