haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
