Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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