Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
