Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
