whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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