Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize