how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just google imaged poop.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
