Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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