last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
