Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
