absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
