Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
