You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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