Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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