I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
