i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
