Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize