me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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