Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
