i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
