No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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