just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
