If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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