"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In other news, I just burned my penis
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
