I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
