I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
