Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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