I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just found puke in my bra..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
