I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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