I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
