Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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