so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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