Define "chronic" masturbator.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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