I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
