oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
