just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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