i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
