where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
