Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
