She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
