Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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