I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
