you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
