Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
