I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
