i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
