nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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