i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
